- subject to the obligation to report, explain, or justify something; responsible; answerable.
- capable of being explained; explicable; explainable.
Origin of accountable: late Middle English word dating back to 1375–1425
Proverbs 27:15 to 16 A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.
I know a woman like this. She treated both her husbands like this, as well as her teenage son, without ever taking any personal responsibility for her own behavior. She and her (2nd) ex and son went to family therapy and she doesn’t expect the therapist to point out any of this. She’s not exactly evil–just child-like (a selfish, stupid child). I’m a woman though, and see a few of these qualities in myself, but I am relatively self-aware and am disgusted by them and actively work to stamp them out of myself. On a side note: I do think a lot of men–particularly young men–have these qualities too. I think it is because of millennials being indoctrinated with ideas about entitlement, etc.
Karen share this with us : I sure hope female accountability has improved in the Navy. When I served I hated how much my female coworkers got away with. I hated having to prove myself over and over to new jaded male supervisors who expected me to be the lazy crazy loose female norm. I was so proud when I joined the “500 club” and cranked that many rounds manually into the gun inside the nose of an F/A-18, but my Chief was most proud of the fact that I did my service honorably and left for college not being pregnant and that’s…an absurd thing to think is an accomplishment. The double standard for accountability was awful. For example If you were a male and got a dui, they kicked you out if it was past your three allowed alcohol related offenses. I saw guys lose their career and retirements over dui, but If you were a female it got covered up. Females got pregnant just to get out of work constantly. They’d violate the UCMJ everyday all day everyday and never get in serious trouble. I hated my own gender by the time I was done. Lack of accountability is a big giant problem and adult female toddlers are truly a horrific thing. In the service I felt like there was nobody to blame for it but all the Captain Save-A-Hos that just couldn’t seem to hold females accountable to following the rules. Very frustrating. Hated it. Did my four and got the eff out.
I have been working with men for years, some in individual and couples therapy, most in my anger management and domestic violence groups, and agree with much of what you said. You are talking about men who are unassertive, and who are in relationships with women who can dominate them. But I think your points also apply to many men who, on the surface, appear in control by acting out with anger and aggression. These men tend to act out because they feel powerless in their relationships and do not have the emotion management and communication skills to effectively deal with their relationship problems. Rather than divide men (and women) into passive versus aggressive, I divide them between those who are skilled and those who aren’t, and knowing how to be assertive is among the skills that both types can benefit from. As the title of the book by Warren Farrell says, women can’t hear what men don’t say. I would add that women also don’t hear what men say loudly. In my anger management groups, I use the “spotlight” metaphor: When you communicate in a direct, honest, healthy and respectful way, it is like you are shining a big spotlight on your partner, holding them accountable; but when you get loud and aggressive, you allow them to grab the spotlight and shine it on you. So, to your list of suggestions I would add: Don’t let her grab that spotlight! By the way, I’ve seen The Red Pill twice, and it was wonderful!
Jack share this with us: Near the end of my first marriage, my ex insisted we go to counseling. She picked a woman counselor because she wanted validation that she was right. I was smiling the whole way there. Though she was a horrible person in most every other respect, she was honest. So she agreed to everything I said about how our marriage worked. The counselor turned to her and explained that everything that was wrong with our marriage was her fault, and laid out all of the reasons in a logical manner. On the way home, she made it clear that we wouldn’t be going to to marriage counseling again, as marriage counselors don’t know what they are doing. Accountability hurst lol